I just got rocked.  Thirty minutes of mouth hanging wide open - "Did that just happen?" - rocked.  Because of Allison's rave reviews of the new show "Duck Dynasty", I decided to give it a go.  The Robertson's, a Louisiana family from West Monroe, have apparently been makin big dollars in the duck call business.  It's a family business, with a crazy uncle, half a dozen brothers, some grandkids, a cookin grandmama, and a papa bear duck call inventor.  Megan Buhrow, don't watch this show.  There were shotgun rounds unloaded on a beaver, ducks swimming in a loading dock pond, three dozen frogs caught, chopped up, skinned, and basted in buttermilk, and five grown men who had yaks growing out of their face...a southern trifecta with a cherry on top if you ask me.

Here is a peppering of wisdom from this newly minted family:
"Willie went off and got educated.  He wears suits.  I’ve never bought a suit in my life.  He’s a suit man now.  The life of a CEO, that’s what your brother’s into.  When I look at Willie, I think - you’d be lookin for a can to put a dollar in, or a sign saying the end is near."

"If you’re too busy to duck hunt, to catch fish, then you’re too busy."

"I would rate Jason Robertson as one of the greatest frog catchers of all time.  He’ll sacrifice life and limb to get the frogs. "

And finally...my favorite - marriage advice from papa Robertson.  Keep in mind, this soliloquy comes while he is ripping the skin of a dozen bull frogs (after chopping their heads off of course to an accompanying croak that apparently leaves the frog's throat when you chop).      

"Don’t marry some yuppy girl, you know what I’m sayin?  Find you a meek, gentle, kind spirited, country girl.  If she knows how to cook and she carries her bible, and she loves to eat bullfrogs, now there’s a woman.  See what I’m sayin?  The first prerequisite for marrying a woman in my opinion – can she cook?  You gonna be there for 50 years and you don’t even know if she can cook?  What kind of thinking is that?  Well we’ll just live off love…not really, you’ll starve to death.   She doesn’t have to be a pretty one.  It’s hard to get a pretty one to cook and carry a bible anymore.  Pass me another frog. " 

Good thing Willie Robertson wasn't around sooner...I'm pretty sure he could've gotten the Republican nomination.  Oh man.  I love Murica.  

4/26/2012 01:19:05 am

I don't even have words for this one. Just......disgusting commentary.


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