Tom Farrar, devishly handsome in his double-breasted blazer, is also celebrating his birthday today. He is turning 82. As we are new friends, I take this shared date to strike up a conversation with Tom. I wonder – what was New Zealand like when he was my age? Eighty-two seems like a lot of years. What has he learned in all his time?
“Cigarettes and silk stockings. If you could give a woman silk stockings, you were in. She’d love you.” In the 40s and 50s, Wellington was a one-horse town he tells me. The story goes a marine was walking down Lambton Quay and Willis, confused. “When do you come to the city?” he wondered.
"There were two restaurants in Wellington. We had milk bars where you could get shakes and ice creams. Alcohol stopped being served at 6 pm, so men would rush to the hotel bar right before cut off and drink as much as possible. It was called the six o’clock swill.” The six o’clock swill? Sounds like my flat mates every Wednesday night. Or afterwork on the hill. Maybe times haven't changed that much after all.
On the eve of my 25th birthday, I’m lost in thought. What have I learned in these years? What has Tom learned? And have we – so far apart in space and time – come to any of the same conclusions? “Travel. A lot” he says. "Do it young. It will change your life, your perspective, and your relationships. Education is hugely important. It has the power to change your life completely.” Another check. “Don’t try and give advice to your kids about how grandchildren should be handled.” I think I’ve got a while to worry about that, but I’ll file it away nonetheless.
I walk home from our Rotary meeting carrying Tom’s words, and wondering what he'd say if I actually gave him time to reflect on his years. What has fifty years of marriage taught him? Maybe I'll corner him another time on that subject. If someone were to ask me what I’ve learned, how would I answer them?
While sitting in my Development Policy paper, I make a list – twenty-five lessons for twenty-five years. When I lay my head down to sleep, the gears in my mind keep turning, forcing me to get back to my computer and write. I'm not sure what other lessons are headed my way in life, but I can only hope I learn them in such a blazing and wonderful set of years as the last 24 have been. How will I ever be able to top them? Some might feel regret at all the should have and would haves behind them. Not me. I'm happy, fulfilled, and ready to mold the next 25 into something even greater. I wonder, is it even possible?
I’m not sure what Tom would have to say about this list, but I hope he thinks I’m on the right track.
On the eve of my 25th birthday, I’m lost in thought. What have I learned in these years? What has Tom learned? And have we – so far apart in space and time – come to any of the same conclusions? “Travel. A lot” he says. "Do it young. It will change your life, your perspective, and your relationships. Education is hugely important. It has the power to change your life completely.” Another check. “Don’t try and give advice to your kids about how grandchildren should be handled.” I think I’ve got a while to worry about that, but I’ll file it away nonetheless.
I walk home from our Rotary meeting carrying Tom’s words, and wondering what he'd say if I actually gave him time to reflect on his years. What has fifty years of marriage taught him? Maybe I'll corner him another time on that subject.
While sitting in my Development Policy paper, I make a list – twenty-five lessons for twenty-five years. When I lay my head down to sleep, the gears in my mind keep turning, forcing me to get back to my computer and write. I'm not sure what other lessons are headed my way in life, but I can only hope I learn them in such a blazing and wonderful set of years as the last 24 have been. How will I ever be able to top them? Some might feel regret at all the should have and would haves behind them. Not me. I'm happy, fulfilled, and ready to mold the next 25 into something even greater. I wonder, is it even possible?
I’m not sure what Tom would have to say about this list, but I hope he thinks I’m on the right track.